We were driving home from Aster’s parents’ house. She had stayed behind to spend the night, and we were going to come back in the morning to open gifts. My father was driving, and the three of us were in the backseat.

Everyone was quiet and I was watching out the passenger side window. The sun was going down and the lights from the apartment buildings were shining and I remember thinking there was something special about the glow of them. There were colorful stringed lights on some of the balconies, and I could see a few decorated trees in the windows. I felt happy. I was five years old.

Back then, I’d invent characters in my mind and play with them while we were driving. One might have a single wheel for legs that they’d use to ride along the top of telephone wires, another would climb from window to window, jumping from one building top to the next like a frog, always keeping up with the car as I watched out the window.

I felt a sudden jolt of fear when the car skid off the road. My father was pulling hard at the wheel and said no, no, no, no, NO! There was a hard crash on my side of the car and then it felt like we were floating and everything went slow.

The car slammed down, like an explosion, and life became real and fast again. My father yelled from the front Take Off Your Seatbelts! I looked at him, totally unable to move. Jonas wailed in the car seat next to me, and River, on the other side of him, seemed frozen.

TAKE OFF YOUR SEATBELTS NOW! my father he screamed. He climbed over the front seat into the back of the car. Water was coming in. The baby was screaming. The water was over my lap. It was freezing. River unbuckled and the water got higher. I tried but couldn’t get my seat belt off. I cried for help. My father said he was going to break the window, water would fill the car, we had to swim to the top as fast as we could. I heard River cry “I can’t!” Yes you can, he said. He pulled her over and it all came rushing in and he pushed her out into the darkness. I could feel him pull off my belt and I heard a high-pitched ring and things were slow again and I felt limp.

The next thing I remember was my father on top of me; he was shaking me and yelling my name; people were running over; I turned my head and saw River staring at me, crying; I closed my eyes, everything was black.

After that Aster left us. My father was never the same. I believe he still loved me, but sometimes I would see him crying. I used to wonder if he was crying because he thought he made the wrong choice.

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