Q.

I’ll tell you why. I can’t help but compare myself to them. Their happy little lives and loving relationships and perfect nuclear families. It makes me feel like shit about myself, where I came from, all the doubt and troubling feelings I have about my relationship; I feel like a fucking sham, a faker, some loser who somewhere along the line fell short of the capacity to maintain what seems to be so easy for others. So yeah, instead of sitting around wondering what the fuck I’m doing with these people, I’d rather just avoid them altogether.

…

Well, I had the boys with me, which always helps. They’re something of a security blanket for me. And they enjoyed themselves. There was a scavenger hunt arranged for them and after brunch we all took a walk down to the creek. They found a crayfish and a frog. I caught the frog and it pissed on me when I took it out of the water, and that got them all riled up.

…

Yeah, it was chill, but I was still glad to be on my own with them again. We stopped at a market on the way home and sat outside for a while. When we left, I was buckling my youngest into his car seat and experienced a moment of gratitude. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, and as I buckled him up, he was calm and looking up at me. I looked back at him and smiled. Then he spit in my face.

…

“That’s my defenses.”

…

Who was the third one?

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