It's 5:45. We're outside in the cold. The air is crisp and invigorating.

I've been up since 1:30—-I had an orgasm that woke me up-—and am sort of out of it. Dissociated. Withdrawal. A lying twitch and blurred partition between the inside and outside.

I push against that, but only for a moment, knowing I can’t make it clear. It can only become clear, in time. So I’m out here in the cold, breathing the cutting air and aware of the world in my own imperfect way.

And it's because of the dog.

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