It was a typical hot and muggy summer day in northern Florida when John Marshall saw what appeared to be a man throwing an alligator onto the roof of a local bar.

“I couldn't believe it,” related Marshall, 37. “This mother fucker straight threw an alligator on top of a building.”

When asked why he decided to chuck his cold-blooded victim twelve feet up in the air and onto the palm-leaf roofing of The Stinking Hole, Dalton Smith, 42, said he was trying to “teach it a lesson.”

Apparently, Smith, a regular at the nearby miniature golf course, had grown tired of the reptile sunbathing in the 12th hole water hazard.

“I kept losing my balls in that there water hazard and this mu'fucker was always layin' around like he owns the goddamn place. I couldn't get none of my balls back.”

Sally Jones, team leader of a visiting youth group, shared that a belligerent Smith, after releasing an f-bomb that Jesus himself couldn't un-hear, marched straight into the hazard, grabbed the gator by the tail and drug it thrashing and hissing to the nearby cantina before swinging it up onto the roof.

“We were all in shock,” replied Jones. “That poor creature.”

Smith was immediately escorted from the grounds and banned from the course for life.

As for the gator, animal control was quick to the scene, returning it to its natural habitat.

“Yeah, we let the gator back in,” said acting manager Roy Spänkenhauf. “Fuck that guy.”

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