Conventional wisdom says if you want loyalty, get a dog. But c’mon, when’s the last time you met a dog that wouldn’t abandon your ass for nothing more than a leftover crust in a greasy Domino’s box? So yeah, I won’t be visiting the local SPCA in search of commitment anytime soon. Besides, I’ve got the kind of loyalty a dog would never understand. I’ve got an ex-wife.

I found her on PetFinder (wait, no, sorry, it was OkCupid) after searching for my preferred breed: 26 year old jewish women living within a 10 mile radius of me. My opening line was betting I eat more eggs than her and she took the bait. A few weeks later we met and wouldn’t you know it she became this man’s best friend.

The thing is, I didn’t fully appreciate her dogged faithfulness until some time after we met. In the beginning, I actually chastised her for it. Try as I might, I just could not understand this funny habit she had of standing by a certain friend of hers when, in my estimation, they were awful and didn't deserve it. Little did I know at the time that one day I’d be the undeserving recipient of that steadfast loyalty.

From very early on we discovered our fair share of turmoil in our relationship, but we journeyed together, getting married, having our first child, moving across the country. As the years went by, though, we came to the hard realization that a separation would be in both of our best interests. We made a plan and when the time came, I started looking for apartments.

I quickly found one a block away from where we were living, but after checking it out got too spooked to sign the lease. I was devastated by the thought of leaving my children. We talked it out, I recollected, and tried again. A few weeks later the same thing happened. I came home crying and she was there to hold me up and tell me she’d come with me next time. When we found a place that’d work for me and the boys, she’d help me sign the lease.

With so much pain and resentment between us, her support in those moments defined one of her most sterling qualities. However, her commitment to our family shone most brightly when she told her parents about the separation. “I don’t want you to hate James,” she said. “I want everything to stay the same between you and him. He still comes over, still gets cards on the holidays. The only difference is that we’re not going to live together anymore.” She held us together and everyone accepted.

Over the years she’d occasionally remark on a time I broke up with her early in our relationship. She said she sometimes wished she would have let me go, that ultimately, it would have been easier for both of us. But I’m grateful every day she didn’t. Because her sticking with me all these years brought me some of the greatest gifts in my life: my children, my home, and the support of a trusted friend who’s been there for me through the most difficult moments of my life since we first met. 

So eat your heart out, dogs.

Because my ex-wife is a show-winning bitch.

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