What To Do When You Feel Judged

If you have ever felt harshly or unfairly judged by someone close to you, you know that it can be absolutely heartbreaking.

In effect, someone is casting the judgment on you that ‘you are unacceptable’ feels unfair. It can be incredibly damaging. And few things scar interpersonal relationships and intimacy quite like this judgment.

When you let someone into your heart, you desire to be accepted and understood. You want to be loved for who you are. Unfortunately, this vulnerability also leaves you open to pain. And, from time to time, you may find yourself hurt by those closest to you.

However, if you are keen to make the most of these painful moments they do present an opportunity for growth. The catch? You must be willing to do the uncomfortable: to accept these criticisms, look within yourself, and take responsibility for the quality of your character.

This is not always easy. It requires courage. You must be kind to yourself. You may experience intense feelings of shame and guilt. You may be overcome by sadness and rage. But, as gut-wrenching as it may be, allowing these feelings to course through you without the escape of repression and vice will leave you ___ something loving.

Begin by asking yourself if there is validity to these claims. There may be – and usually is. But remember, these distasteful characteristics are not who you are. Rather, like your more-positive qualities, they are simply the [bearings] of seeds sown in the heart and mind long ago.

Recognizing this empowers you. It means that you can learn from circumstance and develop your character. It also means that others, like you, are to varying degrees, acting and reacting to _ .

So when you find yourself in the throes of unfavorable circumstance, ask yourself ‘what do I think that creates this?’ ‘What thoughts lead to this unpleasantness?’ Ask yourself both silently and aloud, with no expectation of an answer. Then, after a brief pause, go about your business.

When something bubbles up, view that thought and its manifestations in your behavior as a weed. Your job is to pull the weed and sow a new thought in its place.

If you would like to be less selfish, find ways that selfishness manifests in your life. Are you selfish with your time? Your money? Do you require more than you give in your relationships? Are you putting your emotional needs before others?

Accept what you find and ask yourself how you can begin to think of and put others first. Start with the people closest to you, as they are often the most difficult to change your behavior toward. ...... and also ... something about the web .....

By assuming responsibility for your thoughts and actions, you develop self-confidence. Doing so paves the way to greater compassion and understanding of others, as you begin to recognize that their behavior is also the natural outgrowth of the thoughts they carry.

This is most important to remember when someone hurts us. Each of us has pain that was given to us – and we want to protect ourselves. The problem is that when we internalize that fear and react in ways to something we first experienced long ago, we can lash out in stress and drive people away.

If you are on the receiving end of this, remain compassionate. If you’re the one slinging bullshit, be kind to yourself. You are valid, just like everyone else. You will not always be accepted and that’s OK. But, if you are willing to own your shit, do your best to imporove, and move forward with love in your heart you’ll be alright.

It might not be easy, but what the hell else are you going to do?